It has been said that “laughter is the best medicine.”
Therefore, here are a few of some (G-rated) thoughts from one of the greatest comedians ever, George Carlin.
- Just when I discovered the meaning of life, they changed it.
- As soon as someone is identified as an unsung hero, he no longer is.
- I put a dollar in a change machine. Nothing changed.
- Isn’t it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do “practice”?
- Here’s a bumper sticker I’d like to see: “We are the proud parents of a child who’s self-esteem is sufficient that he doesn’t need us promoting his minor scholastic achievements on the back of our car.”
- George Washington’s brother, Lawrence, was the Uncle of Our Country.
- Cloud nine gets all the publicity, but cloud eight actually is cheaper, less crowded, and has a better view.
- “Meow” means “woof” in cat.
- “No comment” is a comment.
- I think I am, therefore, I am. I think.
- I don’t have a fear of heights. I do, however, have a fear of falling from heights.
- What was the best thing before sliced bread?
- It isn’t fair: the caterpillar does all the work, and the butterfly gets all the glory.
- Just because you got the monkey off your back doesn’t mean the circus has left town.
- Always do whatever’s next.
- As a group or an individual you have the right to be called whatever you want. Your name can be spelled S-M-I-T-H and pronounced ‘jenovsky’. What’s your name? Jenovsky. How’s that spelled? S-m-i-t-h. What?! They’re all silent, nevermind…
- Is there another word for synonym?
- If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?
- How do they get the deer to cross at that yellow road sign?
- Before they invented drawing boards, what did they go back to?
- If the #2 pencil is the most popular, why is it still #2?
And maybe my all-time favorite Carlinism…
Never argue with an idiot. They will only bring you down to their level and beat you with experience.
Follow Bert DeSalvo on Twitter @CoachDeSalvo