If you want to laugh read this…

It has been said that “laughter is the best medicine.”

Therefore, here are a few of some (G-rated) thoughts from one of the greatest comedians ever, George Carlin.

  1. Just when I discovered the meaning of life, they changed it.
  2. As soon as someone is identified as an unsung hero, he no longer is.
  3. I put a dollar in a change machine. Nothing changed.
  4. Isn’t it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do “practice”?
  5. Here’s a bumper sticker I’d like to see: “We are the proud parents of a child who’s self-esteem is sufficient that he doesn’t need us promoting his minor scholastic achievements on the back of our car.”
  6. George Washington’s brother, Lawrence, was the Uncle of Our Country.
  7. Cloud nine gets all the publicity, but cloud eight actually is cheaper, less crowded, and has a better view.
  8. “Meow” means “woof” in cat.
  9. “No comment” is a comment.
  10. I think I am, therefore, I am. I think.
  11. I don’t have a fear of heights. I do, however, have a fear of falling from heights.
  12. What was the best thing before sliced bread?
  13. It isn’t fair: the caterpillar does all the work, and the butterfly gets all the glory.
  14. Just because you got the monkey off your back doesn’t mean the circus has left town.
  15. Always do whatever’s next.
  16. As a group or an individual you have the right to be called whatever you want. Your name can be spelled S-M-I-T-H and pronounced ‘jenovsky’. What’s your name? Jenovsky. How’s that spelled? S-m-i-t-h. What?! They’re all silent, nevermind…
  17. Is there another word for synonym?
  18. If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?
  19. How do they get the deer to cross at that yellow road sign?
  20. Before they invented drawing boards, what did they go back to?
  21. If the #2 pencil is the most popular, why is it still #2?

And maybe my all-time favorite Carlinism…

Never argue with an idiot. They will only bring you down to their level and beat you with experience.

Follow Bert DeSalvo on Twitter @CoachDeSalvo


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